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THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A CRAPPY PASTA :P Feel free to post this on Trollpasta wiki if you want :)



This is Vincent lechner reporting. October 2013. I am a total fan of Video games and cartoons, much like alot of other people. I don't really think I have ever in my life played a glitchy/hacked game, Although I don't think I'll want to after the experience I had...


It was a nice summer evening. My parents were out in a meeting, my brother Anthony was at summer school and I was watching Season 7 episode 8 of futurama called "Fun on a bun", Until I noticed the mailman had arrived. I checked my mailbox, all they were, were just those shitty "The new yorker" magazines (Keep in mind that I actually live in New jersey). I threw them out and I came across a package. I brought it inside and when I opened it, it was a disc and an envelope. When I opened the envelope, I realized that this package was sent from my girlfriend Olivia (Lets call her that). But I did notice that the handwriting was different. It was pretty much unlike Olivia's handwriting. It was like she was in a hurry.


This is what she wrote:


"Vincent, I can't take this madness anymore. I'm letting you save me this time. I had to get rid of that... THING! Before it was to late! Please Vincent, destroy that CD. He is after me! Don't even play the game, Its what he'd want. Destroy the game and you'll kill him. Please Vincent, you're my only hero! Please... destroy this stupid game.... -Olivia Russo".


Uh, that was odd. I didn't think such an innocent CD would try to harm my Girlfriend in anyway, I mean, It's just a game, right? Well, nope. I was actually wrong.


Anyway, I decided to pick up the disc, and I saw the words "Ay!oh" were written on it. When I saw those words, I thought of that RPG horror game "Ai oni" because that was what it sort of was pronounced, I think.


Anyway, I didn't do what Olivia asked me to do. I just ran up to my computer and inserted the Disc. I installed the game and launched it. When I saw the Title screen, I noticed that it was a little kid's game. I said to myself, "Well, thats cool", because I'm not that much into little kid's games. I thought that this was a game meant for Olivia's little sister to play or something.


However, when I pressed enter to start the game, I saw something that flashed for a split second, It was a picture I consider really horrifying.


It was a picture of Jeff the killer. It was drawn in an erie hyper-realistic style. Now I knew that he was what my girlfriend described as "him".


Then it brought me to what looked like the character select menu, but it was actually the save select menu from Starcraft 2: Wings of liberty, only edited to a character select menu. The background was what looked like New york city destroyed by either a UFO attack or an earthquake, and the music was that creepy River twygz bed song from Super paper mario, only it was extended and played in reverse.


And what was weird is, is that the character select had characters from other video games and cartoons, you could only select as Heather from Silent hill 3, Philip J fry from futurama, Gumball and darwin from the amazing world of gumball, Spongebob from spongebob squarepants, and to my honest surprise, Doctor breen from Half life 2!


Now something was actually fucked up or something, why would you play as breen, seeing as he was the bad guy in half life 2?


Then I found out this wasn't a normal game, it was either a hacked game, or a game made on the unity engine.


Yep, it truly looked hacked. I didn't know what to say when I saw the character select. All my thoughts on that screen where "Uh....WTF????"


Anyway, I decided to ignore that feeling and Select Heather. But as I selected and got started, the game froze and as it did, I heard an evil laugh which sounded an awlful lot like the laugh that you hear at the end of Michael Jackson's "Thriller".


It then cut to black for 7 seconds, and the level title appeared, it's text was in Times new roman. The title of the level was "Chapter 1: NO RETURN". I suddenly jumped as soon as the Playstation 2 startup jingle played LOUDLY and in reverse. I fell on my chair as if I had a heart attack. I got up and then I put my chair back to it's normal position.


I was in the subway from Silent hill 3. I went to the concorse and as I got there, I heard some christmas-like version of hardstyle DJ Williams syndrome's "Emotions" somewhat played in reverse.


As I went to Platform 3, those sounds of the man moaning in pain from suicidemouse.avi played. The music then started to slow down as I saw dead people on the platform. One was a kid, no younger than 7, who had his internal organs splattered all over the floor and blood coming out of him, the other one, was a girl, A bit more 7 years older than the first kid, hanging on a noose, wearing an Irish dance gown with blood stains on it, and her intestines were ripped out of her panties. The 3rd one, was a fat man, his leg hanging and his body split apart. I was shocked to see how they died as I was reaching the enterance to the train (Which is usually the open doors at the last car of the train).


When I got on the train, the screen faded to black for about 15 seconds, and then it showed a text saying,


"Hi there, want to play a game with me?"


Then the screen showed the level title, which now said "Tag, you're it".


This time I was in Delfino Plaza from Super mario sunshine and everything looked like it was on fire. Heather was now looking at me. She looked like she was breaking the forth wall. She looked like she was scared out of her wits this time. I kept moving her and as I did, The music was now That creepy song in SimCity 2013 when there are zombies lurking around in your city, looking for brains to eat.


As I kept heather running straight for about 30 seconds, That thriller laugh played again. I was annoyed, but kept playing. But then I saw flashes of Jeff pop up. I jumped as that happened. And then, Out of a far distance, I saw a figure of Jeff run straight towards heather, so I made her run back away from him, and that suspenseful drowning jingle from the classic Sonic games was playing. Also, Jeff wasn't actually running for Heather, He was actually FLYING! his flying pose was almost a bit like superman in Superman 64, except more weirder and unrealistic.


As Heather tripped on something, Jeff caught her and the music stopped. Heather was now suffering from the agony she was in. She was making that crying move from the original Silent hill 3 cutscene when she finds out her father Harry has been killed by Claudia's monster. I felt bad for her and how happy Jeff was for giving her the torment she got.


This went on for about 20 seconds before Jeff appeared right in front of Heather. She jumped with fear and so did I when that happened. 3 seconds after that, Jeff most likely killed heather, and it went to a black screen with a scream which lasted for about 6 seconds, And then a Text came up, with that god damned Thriller laugh.


"Aw, too bad. You went too slow. Try harder next time!".


What?! Heather is.... DEAD?! No, that can't be, but it is!


Anyway, I got sent back to the character select screen, and Heather had a Sad look on her face in the select screen. She was crying blood, with black eyes, and her hair was now white with blood stains. Her mouth was even drooling blood.


Trying to look away from it, I selected Fry. The same thing that happened when I selected heather happened again with Fry. This black screen lasted for 7 seconds, And then the Level title came up.


"Chapter 2: Golden gate bridge".


The level was now what looked like the Golden gate bridge (Hence the title of the level), But it appeared to have collapsed. It had the same background as the character select screen too. The music this time, was what creeped me out. It was what sounded like that song "Love and hate" From Mad father when you get a bad ending. I moved Fry to the side of the bridge, then static came up, and there was splatters of blood everywhere. Fry broke the forth wall just like Heather did. The music got really distorted at this part. I finally reached the other side of the collapsed Golden gate bridge, but as I reached the road, Jeff popped up right in front of him. Static came up and it brought me to a text message saying:


"Y0U D4re MAKe a D34L wiTh JeFF? T1me 2 FiGhT!"


The hell? Jeff has found Fry Already?! What in the actual fuck was going on?!


Then static appeared again, and this time I was brought back to the level. But this time I was going through what appeared to be some kind of... BOSS BATTLE WITH JEFF?! I really hoped it wasn't.


Then, Jeff dissapeared randomly as I kept trying to attack him, and now The music was now that buzzing screeching noise from Amnesia: The dark descent when you are getting chased by a monster.


This happened for about 30 seconds, then Fry lost and Jeff won. Fry was now crying for mercy, but then Jeff pushed him off of the edge and into the water. After fry fell into the water, The screen went black with the scream again, and then another Text came up With again, that annoying Thriller laugh:


"Keep trying, You'll never win!"


I felt as if Jeff was now trying to talk to me through the game!


I then came back to the character select. Fry had a frown on his face and his skin looked pale. He had no eyes and his eye sockets were pooring blood down his cheeks.


I then selected Gumball, Darwin and SpongeBob. I was now really scared to see what would happen next.


The level was now "Chapter 3: Bleak city"


I was now Scared, because I know Bleak city very well. Its that scary map from garry's mod. You can see GameSomeNess' video of it on YouTube.


Anyway, I made Spongebob, Darwin, and Gumball move along the road, but as I was moving along, Jeff killed Spongebob, and a cutscene began. Gumball and Darwin were shocked, and so was I when we saw Spongebob's corpse. He was stabbed in the stomach, and his eyes were sliced open in half. Then, Jeff appeared right behind them, and stabbed both Gumball and darwin in the back, and the screen went black yet again, this time the scream was much louder than it was. So loud it raped my ears.


Another text came up with the same laugh and it said:


"You know what you should do?"


And then I came back to the character select, This time Spongebob, Gumball and Darwin were hanging on a noose.


I felt really worried and didn't feel like playing this horrid game anymore. So I exited out of the game and Logged off of my computer. I took a nap. I wish I didn't, because then I began to have a nightmare.


I was in a cemetary, and the sky was pitch black. I even carried a flashlight with me. I even heard the cries of Heather, Fry, Gumball, Darwin and Spongebob. They said stuff like, "Why did you do this to us?!", "Help!" and "Run away, Before he catches you too..."


Then out of a far distance, I heard Jeff's laugh. It sounded alot like the sinister Thriller laugh.


Then, Jeff started talking to me. He said "You're alot of fun to play with! Just like your Girlfriend Olivia, though she didn't last long...."


I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't.


"I'm coming to get you! Won't be long now until you join my friends..."


When he grabbed me, I woke up with a fright. I then thought to myself that I had to continue playing the game. I didn't know why, but I had to! So I logged back on to my computer, Loaded the game up and selected Doctor breen next.


I thought it was weird, playing as the final boss from Half life 2, But I ignored the feeling and kept playing. The last level came up. This time the title was "Chapter 4: The Massacuring of Sonic and Amy". I was now freaked out by the title, because I knew that this where things REALLY took a turn for the worst.


This time I was in a Subway station, which looked pretty different from the Silent hill 3 one, and there a few blood stains on the walls here and there, and there were posters of horror movies that came out a few years ago (Friday the 13th, Scream, etc.).


Breen had a look of worry on this face as I kept him moving, pretty much unlike at the end of Half life 2 when you beat him at the citadel.


The music was pretty much now was the sad, yet peaceful orcheatra version of Emotions by Williams syndrome. Of course, It was the same music that played in "Chapter 1: NO RETURN", only not in reverse.


I kept moving breen and then reached a stairway to the platform. As I reached the end of the stairs, The screen became darker, and then I reached another flight of stairs, but this one was pretty longer. It lasted for about 1 full minute.


Then the screen went black and that stupid Thriller laugh came up again. The black screen lasted for about 20 seconds before static came up. And then there came another black screen which lasted for 10 seconds, and then a cutscene appeared. It showed Sonic and Amy dancing in fancy clothes. Sonic was wearing a tuxedo, and Amy was wearing the dress she had in Sonic X episode 65, but it was recolored red and she had a bow tie on her headband.


They were dancing so happily until Dr. breen fell down the stairs. Amy screamed when she saw that Breen was murdered. Sonic was even shocked to see Breen's stabbed and sliced up corpse. Then, Jeff appeared in front of Sonic and Amy and said to them, "I finally found you 2, now you will DIE!" As he stabbed Sonic, the screen went to static for 25 seconds before showing the original picture of Jeff, and as it did, that thriller laugh came up again, this time very demonic. And the picture had a text that had one of the most disturbing threats I have ever read.


"GO TO SLEEP". At this point, I knew this wasn't the Jeff described in most stories I read about him, but it was worse.


This Jeff the killer was actually a monster. A cruel, evil, sadistic, horrible, all-powerful, nightmarish monster. And all of his victims including Heather, Fry, Spongebob, Gumball, Darwin, Breen, Sonic, Amy, And possibly Olivia are just his little toys, and the game is the gateway to his evil hell.


I jumped with fear as soon as Jeff broke through the screen with static coming up, the static was now louder than it was. I screamed and covered my ears as it happened. And then, It cut to black for about 9 seconds, then the final text came up.


"Ready for death, Vincent?"


That thriller laugh, now sounding as if Jeff was now right behind me, was as loud as the static screeching!


Then, I was brought to the Character select, and breen's character select was ALOT more horrific than the others.


Breen was lying on the floor, with his body cut in half and the knife in his back. Sonic and Amy were both Hanging on a Noose, brutally murdered, and leaking blood from their eye sockets.


I stared at Heather, Fry, Spongebob, Darwin, Gumball, Sonic, Amy, and Dr. breen. I was crying and very horrified of how they died. They were forever tormented by that white skinned freak murderer, and always will be.


Suddenly the computer automatically shut down, and no matter what I did, I wasn't able to turn it back on.


So I sat there for 1 minute, and I realized something.


Jeff is not only a white skinned bastard who goes around stabbing people, he is also the next devil when it comes to god. He tortures people who play Ay!oh. And when he gets bored, he drags you straight into the game, literally drags you to hell, where he can play with you, forever, as his toy.


I can't get the game to uninstall from my computer. Everytime I try and uninstall it, An error message comes up and says "Error: Cannot uninstall. Please try again later". Obviously its stuck there, but at least I have managed to turn my computer back on now.


And as I waited another minute, I heard a voice from downstairs.


"I hope you can keep this interesting for me to see, Vincent..."


I went downstairs and then, what I saw made me scream.


On the TV..................


...............Was Jeff, staring right at me....


Download think to the supposed theme of Ay!oh: https://soundcloud.com/val-eii/no-return-ay-oh

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